Many dreams and a promise

Come unto me my little one. I have been waiting for you all these days with anaemic fingers, tapping against each other like warring soldiers; and a breath weighed down with anticipation. How and what do I tell you, my son? Feeling proud has become a habit now. It is intoxicating, it really is, to silently watch you and then swell with pride – at all the things you do – the way you sleep, the way you roll your eyes, the way you smile, the way you hold on to me, the way you just remain what you are, a trait that many of us slowly start to lose as we move away from childhood.

I love holding your little fingers, the five pinkish petals of a tender rose from His garden. No, two little roses. I love running my hand over those soft creases on your hands and legs, the soft folds of flawless skin. I love drawing those neat curves, tracing my fingers over your tiny toes. I love calling you by various names – “Rolly Polly”, “Ingu Pingu”, “Softy Sweety”, “Lofty Softy”, “Chingu Mingu”, “Cutie Sweety” and “Kutty Kanna”. Kutty Kanna, your momma wants to tell you so many things. She just doesn’t know where to begin.

My little boy, there is so much to see in this world and so much to enjoy in life. Trust me, one lifetime isn’t enough! You know what all we can do – so many things. I will just offer you a glimpse of the world we can create for ourselves. These are flights of fantasy that I am making, with the wings of imagination. Very soon, this will be reality, for, you are the key. As you start to toddle, I will share your pride, I will offer you a hug when you walk into me. And soon, we will hold hands and walk together. We will rub noses, share surprise hugs, and exchange tender kisses on our cheeks. We will play little games that you will always win. We will recite nursery rhymes together, when we eat, when we lie down on the bed and whenever we seem to find the time; I will seat you on my lap and we will check out the big rhymes book that Papa has got for you.

And then, we will fly bright, chirpy kites that kiss the blue sky and speak to the sun. We will colour our lives with your red and my green and their many shades. We will discover new colours, explore the big palette and dab on. We will strangle fears to death and burn to ashes, the many negative feelings. We will nurture positive thoughts and build mental toughness. We will laugh our hearts out over the silliest of jokes. We will never miss a light moment and will try not to let a dull one seep in, as much as we can. We will pillow-fight. We will tease your Papa about his snoring. I am sure there will be times when you guys will gang up together. Your Papa is drawing up his own plans for you! And my best guess is that it is a world of games, gizmos, cars, dogs and movies!

For now, I will get going with what I have to share. When you get a little bigger, we will read out favourite passages from the books we read. We will grab sunshine with our hands; we will dance in the rain and waltz together on a moonlit night. We will star gaze on a clear night and go for a quiet jog on a pleasant morning. All the same, my dear, we are humans and we are here to defy the ideal. Let’s admit it. We will have our share of petty fights, and then apologize and embrace each other, only getting closer each time.

What’s more, we will exchange a secret sparkle between our eyes when you get your girl home. My boy, I am here to watch you grow and I will stay by your side, through the crests and troughs of your life. Remember, the silent pride will reside within me, no matter how old you are. I will walk down with you as long as my legs can carry on and then I will hold back and watch, as you advance in age and in your life.



You have come into my world and given it an altogether new meaning. And what do I have but my love and a promise to give in return? I want to make each day of your life special, in some little way and make you feel that this life is truly worth living and that, is this mom’s promise to you.

As I say all this, how much of it do you understand, I wonder! You look at me and beam a toothless smile that melts me to nothingness. You will, my dear, you will very soon understand – the many dreams and a promise of a proud mother.

In a world of many things..

In a world of many things,


At one moment, you feel you could rest your tired head on to a silky pillow that absorbs all worries while the ivory moon sends its love as rays filtered through the window. That’s when you smile, a smile of light-heartedness, of relief, of a realization of peace and calm.


And then, the next instant you are running into the green open, cutting through straight and sometimes slanted shreds of silvery threads, descending from the heavens. That’s when you get soaked to the skin, unmindful of a world existing around you.


And suddenly, you feel transported back in time, when the scent of the past tickles your nostrils; of days that you have left behind but whose vague memories you have carried along. That’s when life’s meaning dawns; that you have indeed come a long way from being a child.


And what happened to those friends with whom you shared everything from a meal to the deepest secrets? They are all away, but something of a memory stirs in you and you are smiling through reminiscences of love, of a different order.


Ah, then a moment to savour, for it brings with it the first instant you caught his eye, smiling, the instant you held his hand and decided to walk together.


I tell you I tie musical notes to precious flashes of time.


I tell you this is what I live through when my iPod slides from one song to another.


They are unconnected emotions; but ones that make perfect sense, in a world that’s only yours, where music is the backdrop, filling the ears and the being.

Divine magic

What are you, but divine magic?
So suave, so dignified, so soothing, so elegant..

I close my eyes, open my arms wide,
I speak, I confess, you smile, you listen,
And,

In the gripping power of your silence,
You absorb my fears and my happiness
And caress me with a tender breeze
Filling me with a beautiful tranquility..



What are you, but divine magic?
So enthralling, so mesmerizing, so striking, so magnificent..

O' dear Sea, You are true bliss!

[dedicated to Marine drive, where I have spent some of the best moments of my life..:)]

Boondhon se baatein

“Giant gray clouds shrouding the usual blue of the sky, so loaded that they would burst down any moment with a million raindrops” – It is time to witness the monsoons of Bombay and the last one week has seen me scurrying through the rain hit roads of the city, experience the way a routine needs to be tweaked up to fit the monsoon’s requirements. Come whatever may, you need to move on..

Ropes come up within homes to hang those washed clothes. And the clothes are ‘uncomfortably’ dry with a ‘doubt’ of dampness still clinging on, clothes which you wear with the warmth of a hot press, almost become cold and soggy by the time you reach office. The point - pull out the oldest of your clothes and move on unmindful of what the rain does to you!

The shutters come down on buses and you view the rain-hit world outside through the window glass. The innumerable slums, on the way, almost falling prey to the devastation, still stand up and the inmates wouldn’t dare to stop; their lives need to move on.

Rains have an effect on me; they make me go nostalgic. The bus journey till office is filled with moments from the past – the way two years back, I rushed to pick up my vehicle from the dealer, giving a damn to the rain, how I used to look out of the window at my office in Bangalore and regret that the vehicle was getting drenched. How at school, I would long for a day’s holiday when the rarity called rains hit Madras, how a couple of my friends and I ran out to get drenched in the first rains of Pilani and..

Complaints still exist, but brushing them aside, today a small boy, and his gesture made me smile to myself. Two pups were running playfully across the road, and as the bus made its way through, the boy just lifted the two and pushed them into his so called ‘home’. It was wonderful.

Now at office, all I feel like doing is to settle down with a mug of hot chocolate and listen to some great music. But what is blaring now is the TV set next to me; the channel’s life goes on as well!!

This post is dedicated to that wonderful rain that is lashing out outside, settling a layer of moisture on the windows. The rain made me write, (setting aside my work) after a long time!!

The post also goes out to that little boy who enjoyed the rains so much (to my envy) and saved those two sweet pups!

A month as a journalist

Mark this day. It has been a month into experiencing sea change. Yesterday, the bank sends me an sms that my salary is credited. I am not too excited but this is my first salary as a different professional.

From staring at code windows for hours and hours together, now my closest interaction with software remains MS Word and a little bit of backend to upload stories.

For the last two weeks, I have moved into a new team. And that reminds me, the last time I blogged was the day the shift came. Smitha's comment in my previous post got a silly smile on my face. How irresponsible of me!:)

Work couldn't get more rewarding and exciting. I have been offered the best of opportunities, despite the fact that I am almost new to this entire spectrum of reporting. My ignorance is pardoned and support comes big time. It is a great feeling having done three soft stories that carry a byline to my credit and also having attended two press conferences ,within a month of joining.

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Press Conferences. You get the royal treatment there. I almost felt like a child gaping at the treatment and all the glamour that surrounds it. It is good to be a beginner, because you can ask dumb questions!

The first one, I missed out on the good lunch because.. (Oh don't ask! The tensions of attending your first official press conf!). The second one that was yesterday, I didn't repeat the mistake and I ensured that I hogged on the three different desserts that they served, between all that stuff on a mutual fund launch. Ain't I learning?
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And then your mobile keeps buzzing as financial consultants and big shots from banks try to reach you and confirm on the interviews and emails. Thanks to the tag, you almost get what you want for your story. At ACJ, I remember how I struggled to get my sources to talk!!

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I am tired of seeing raised eyebrows. "Oh! So what did you do before your ACJ course?" The answer received a million different responses - "Wow!", "That's interesting!", "You are f***ing mad!!", "Why the shift?" (and I am tired of singing like a tape recorder for this question!). The new kid in the block (well, am new too, but she joined ten days later!) asks me, "Oh so you are the one?" The HR told us during the induction that they have an engineer from .... around. Boy, I almost went red!!

And then the HR manager walks in. She puts her hand around me and asks me, "How are you? Are you settled into this place? Are you liking what you are doing?" and I smile back gratefully, "Yeah, everything is fine, really!!" And What is more, I am busy running away from attention!! :)

I have loads of fun with my team lead. The other day, the backend threw some weird javascript error. "You are an engineer, fix it no?" she said. The next instant, I had a couple of debug windows open in front of me. "D, the problem is here" and I pointed to that yellow block and she burst out laughing! And we are still trying to fix it!!

I am sounding so kid like. Well, well, this is not how journos sound. But that is ok. First this is my blog and second, I am not doing a business report!!


Oh damn, my bus would have gone!!!!!!

I call this a "filler" post!

This post has been overdue. I can blame it on two things - one, my laziness and two, the tiring hours of travel in Bombay. Having spent 12 days in this city, I think I am the biggest moron, who hasn't stepped into the local trains still. People who have known Bombay have been viewing me with an element of surprise - "Something is terribly wrong with you."

Having landed here with great plans of finding an acco (read accommodation, henceforth) in the first weekend here, I (namesake/for the heck of it) checked out a hostel acco and left it at that. What do I do? I almost melted at the suggestion (I prefer to call it a sweet request) of my uncle and aunt, to continue to stay at their place. What's more now? I am happily getting used to the comfort of a fridge, washing machine, TV and a neat audio system!! :). I wonder where all this is taking me!!

And of course, how could I forget the good food? Off late I have been eating pretty well - I don't know if it is the place that has done the magic or it's my aunt's unrelenting effort to keep pushing plates and plates of goodies! :)

Two things make up my day otherwise - travelling and work. The first few days that I was getting used to the bus routes, I successfully managed to get down two, three stops before the scheduled stop, despite supposedly being "hindi literate"..Is this what they call learning with experience?? ;)

Work - yeah work, hmm..ah, uhh...Oh come on, it's been just one week! But I actually attended two edit meetings!:D

My cousin, who asked me whether I was going to come up with a "Bombay" narrative - well, a huge chunk of the puzzle is missing!! There isn't an Arvindswamy like guy around, to complete the romantic bit..:(. Probably, he stays at the Indian Express office and I still gotta check that out! ;)

Bombay is yet to reveal itself to me or rather, I am yet to discover the place. It all is a matter of time and I propose to begin exploring next weekend. For now, the Bombay I know of is that which exists between home and office. There is a world beyond that, that still needs to be discovered..

The Bangalore Diary

Weekend and holiday hangovers are terrible! When I was back at Madras on Tuesday morning, it was humidity and the round the clock briskness of Central that welcomed me. I hated it, I don’t know why; I wished fervently I could run back to where I boarded the train the previous night. But there wasn’t time to even think; I had to rush to Park to catch the metro at 5:30 AM.

Park station. As I got into the metro and secured a seat for myself next to the window, it wasn’t difficult to switch to a different world. People around wouldn’t matter at all..


What do you do when a train that usually runs on time, reaches an hour late only on the day you are travelling? Well, actually, nothing. I cursed my luck and got down, when this lady about 55 years old, came up to me. “Hi, where are you going?,” she asked. “Airport Road,” I replied, very matter - of – factly. She paused for a moment and looking earnestly at me, queried, “Oh, are you travelling abroad?”. I was puzzled, for I had barely woken up and was still, very much confused.
“Uh, sorry..but?..” I muttered.
“No, are you travelling abroad? You are going to Airport road”
I realised what was going on.
“No, no. I am just going to Airport road.”
“Oh, Airport quarters?”
I sighed.
“No, Airport road is a place where there are other things other than the airport. My friend stays there. I am going over to her place.”

The metro train screeched to a halt at the next station. I caught myself smiling over the conversation. Well, why was I explaining to her so patiently about the nuances of Airport road? I mean, just why? Couple of seconds, I began swaying to the rhythmic and perfectly tuned motion of the train..

“I have to go to Vivek Nagar, are you working here?”
I didn’t know where that place was and I walked quietly.
“You look so much like my daughter. She is doing her M.com in Ethiraj College”
“Oh!” I reacted to the remark and smiled, “Ok.”
“Do you work with Wipro?”
“Man, why does she want to know that? And why Wipro?” I thought to myself.
“Ah, actually no. I am not working here now. I was working here before.”
“Why have you come here, then?”
Uh, excuse me!!
“Am here to meet all my friends,” I said hurriedly.
“Oh, that is really nice of you,” I heard her meek voice as we reached Cant’s entrance. She waited with me at the prepaid auto-rickshaw counter. The sleepy state that I was in, I was all in a mood to get into some rick and rush off. I was about to climb into the rick (My eyes and the mind were busy altering the template of a rick inside my head. Replace yellow ricks at Madras with black ones in Bangalore, replace yellow ricks at Madras with black ones in Bangalore..)
“THANK YOU..” I was jolted out of my dreamy state.
I turned and she was there.
“Oh, no problem, “ I smiled.
“It was very nice meeting you,” she said.
“No problem.”

“No problem?” Eeh..Why did I say that? I wondered. How silly of me!
I was busy fidgeting with my handbag zip. I opened it and amidst other things, I found this small piece of paper – My “to do” list, for the three days. The couple sitting opposite to me were busy moving their suitcase around and gave me a puzzled look – ME, who was looking at a crumpled sheet of paper and smiling strangely.

I landed at M’s place. She was thrilled. She had neatly laid out a bed for me next to hers. “Come, come sleep here,” she said sweetly.
I was just waiting for someone to say that, and flopped carelessly. Two minutes. M’s mobile jingled with a message, enough to begin a conversation. We began talking, went on for three whole hours. (I quite hadn’t realised that). I had made a complete schedule of whom to meet, when and where. People started messaging in, “Anu, shall we meet tomorrow?” or “I have suddenly been called for a meeting, how about after five today?”.
“After five?” I shrieked through a message. “But I have to meet J and B at Brigades”.

“Enna Bangalore poyacha?,” a friend called in to confirm.
“Hmm..yeah, I will call you tomorrow night between 9:30 and 10:15,” I answered after working out details inside my head.

I went messaging and my mobile balance dipped to a negative. A juggling of schedules till afternoon and I finally decided to drop in at Su~’s place. “Ooh..you have put on weight!” I just blurted out as soon as I got out of the rick, in front of my old office.

“Yeah, I know”. Within minutes, we were heading to her newly constructed house. “God, it has been so long no?” she said.
The house. I stared at it in awe. I had seen it as a mere plan on paper when Su~ had got it to office last year, around the same time. “Remember how you rushed to the architect’s place from office?” I asked her in a recollecting tone. “Hmm..yes”.
“Hey the garage, oh, the hall..Oh this room that you were talking about, the stairs..Geeh, Su~, I can’t believe this!”. She just smiled. I was thrilled like a little kid.
“See the window grilles,” she pointed out to one of them.
“Oh yeah. Hey, I still remember how you modified the design through MS Paint and how we went about selecting a design!!” I almost jumped.
She took me to her mom’s place. On the way back, she showed me a road, “Do you remember this place?”
“Oh yes, your in-laws place!” I said.
“No, no. It is my place also,” she replied.
“Su~!! Not bad, you do seem to have changed in ten months! So, you are making an effort to say it is your house too!!” I laughed and she joined me. I just thought, it has been so long!! :)

At her mom’s place, it was like being back to a close one’s home. Aunty was smiling and Su~’s first niece (who once used to shy away when she saw me and who remembered me as one who shared her bday!) came up to me, showing all the stuff that she did in her summer camp. Her second niece – I saw that kid when she was three days old, at the hospital, about 15 months back! Now, the kid stared at me through her innocent, big eyes and within a matter of 10 minutes, she slowly came to me and smiled showing her kutty kutty teeth. “Su~, God, I can’t believe this!!” I just knew I kept saying that. When I was about to say bye, she thrust a salwar-kameez set into my hands, “This is for you.”
“Bye Su~, I don’t know when I would see you next. Hope it is sometime soon,” and I got into a rick, to rush to Brigade road.

The train came to a screeching halt at the next station. Some people were mumbling, some were getting down and the train began on its journey yet again.

J had messaged at 4:20 itself. “Hey, I am already outside Café Coffee Day, but doesn’t matter, I’ll wait”. I dashed in at 5:15PM. “He-lll-ooo!!” I heard her voice from behind. B joined in late and we rambled on and on about our first six months of training together and about their new offices now. I carried J’s sweet red rose back home. Dinner was fun at Madhuri Grand with “long time no see” batch mates from college and M and V. I laughed like nobody else’s business and there closed the first day.

The next morning, M woke up early, made hot water ready and pushed me for a bath. By the time I was out, she was ready with a bowl of chocos. “So sweet of you,” I muttered through a spoonful of chocos and rushed to my cousin’s place. The proud father, whose kid was just a month and a half old, took me to his in-laws’ place.
“Manas kutty paapa,” he went on, holding his little daughter, Manasvini and swaying gently.
“Shhhyaaaaaaaam…adapaavi! Ennala namba mudila ya!” (I can’t believe this, again!!). I saw the transformation of this guy whom I had known from when I was a child, now playing the role of a father! Time has flown. Oh dear, ain’t I getting old too? My cousin was nice enough to dispel that feeling. “Kozhandai, romba naal kazhichu vandurukka!” (Kid, you have come in after a long time), he said and pampered me with lots and lots of bar chocolates. Ah, ah, I am not that old!! :))

DD was excited when she caught me near BTM bus stand. We had decided to go to our hostel together and give a surprise to people there. I landed at my hostel and An~ was shocked. “HOW AND WHEN DID YOU LAND UP HERE LADY?” she jumped. Mi~ was busy getting ready (as ever). “Edi, Anu kutty!” she shrieked in that heavy mallu tone so characteristic of her. I went to MY room, sat on MY bed and went non stop for almost four hours to An~ and DD. “I almost feel like we have gone back to our days together here. I am so glad you came,” said An~ thoughtfully. “I feel you have come back and you are never going to go back again”. I walked away thinking how true that was. For sometime, I almost lost myself in space and time. I never thought I was going back. DD and I went to Forum (the much hyped up Forum and the PVR cinemas in Koramangala), roamed around for sometime.

The girl sitting next to me was squirming. I wondered why she couldn’t sit peacefully. My mobile was totally shut off. It looked like a dead, good for nothing instrument then.

I messaged M from DD’s mobile, sitting at Forum. “I will come there by 7:30PM, is it ok?”.
“Dear, we are supposed to meet V at 6, do you remember?”, she messaged back.
“I know, What do I do?:(”
I rushed to Raaga on CMH road, landing half an hour late. “Sorry, sorry!” I began even before I got out. M and V had the patience to wait! We went ordering; V watched us with amusement, as M and I argued as to who ate better. “I am caught with two mad girls,” he said with that silly smile on his face. M protested. “Don’t say I eat as badly as she does!”. I wouldn’t open my mouth; I knew the truth. I am sure they would have pounced on me, if I had said I ate well.
“So madam, I don’t know when I would see you next, all the best!” That was V. I said bye, left with a heavy heart. I rushed to the already closing STD booth to call up A~, whom I had promised. Boy! He didn’t pick the phone!!

Back at M’s place, Sw~ and Rag~ arrived in their new Santro. M and I sat inside the car with them, chatting up till 12:30 into the night. “Do make it to the wedding girlie, “ Sw~ said, Rag~ was already dozing and just nodded, “Yeah, please do!”. Oh well, I only wish I could..”I will try my best!” I muttered, as I said goodbye.

The next station had arrived. I had mentally counted the number of stations. One more station and I had to get down. I gathered my bags together and kept them ready. The train slowly pulled out of the station.
Monday morning, I woke up at 10. M was busy inside the kitchen. We had great plans – movie, meet Ru~, shopping, Corner House Ice cream. Movie got dropped, thanks to me, I got up late. We met Ru~ at her office, had lunch at Pizza Hut. Ru~ spoke of how south Indian marriages were lot of fun. We left Pizza hut, went to her office, stood outside and kept talking. I knew I wouldn’t be seeing Ru~ atleast in the next two years. Bye dearie, good luck! M and I took a rick to Shoppers Stop, half way through felt we were tired, and diverted the rick to Airport road. We watched Baazigar (of all movies), Ra~ landed up in the evening, for about 15 minutes, told about his new play, novel and movie. I looked at this extremely creative friend of mine, in awe. I wished all came out well for him.

M put me into a rick at 9:45 in the night. Back at Cant. I waited for my train that was supposed to come at 11. I got into the train, loaded with memories. I carried back with me the pleasure of having relived a lost relationship with that place. The weight had surely increased!

The metro stopped at my station. I got down still dazed and walked back home. Amma and Appa were awake. “Enna kanna, tired aa irukka?” I just nodded and collapsed into the sofa. It was time to alter templates again..Replace black ricks at Banglore with yellow ones in Madras.. Replace black ricks at Banglore with yellow ones in Madras..R-e-p-l-a-c-e..
This post is a record of memories..

Clippings

I begin typing this post. Snap! There is a power cut! I decide to write nevertheless. I am too much in a mood for it today. I pull out one of my old notebooks from my messed up cupboard, frantically flip through the pages and see some empty sheets to my great relief..

Our balcony is Paradise. I cosily seat myself in a chair. The sweltering heat that baked me up a few days back has now given way to a subtle, gentle weather. The Tulsi plant next to me sways quietly and the tender breeze casually turns the pages of this book..
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How have the last few days been?

I haven’t been blogging to say the least. But, that apart, every day has been packed, that time just seemed to tick away, as I helplessly saw it happen. “No time”, “I am busy”, “Chalo, I shall get back to work now”, I seemed to keep saying them repeatedly and quite unconsciously. Vani would land up for a chat and I would just ask her to go away, “No, no time now.”

I would come back late in the night, curl up on the sofa, when amma would effortlessly lift my head, place it on her lap, and gently stroke my hair. I would hold on to her sari and blissfully doze off, wondering why mothers were so adorable and why their love was so comforting and incomparable. Love you amma..

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Why are people the way they are?

I spent close to a week touching different points in Madras, driving on the maddening roads, as the scorching sun stared down mockingly, “Hey you silly girl, on a puny vehicle!!”. I had to argue and convince my life out to men and women (my sources), to open their god damned mouths and reveal a bit of info. I witnessed the unsatisfied ego of certain people, who would assume an air of importance and shell it out all at two college girls! All this for a project!! By the end of it, I had an answer – people are the way they are and sometimes (or rather most of the times), one had no choice but to accept them that way!

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What is this world without friends?

My close pals land up. “Every time that I call you up, you are in college. What is this??!!”, one of them jumps on me. The other comes up with an idea to meet up at 7:30 PM on a Saturday night and tells me that at 6:50 PM, when I am still at college. A flurry of phone calls. “Guys, please understand, Am tired!!” “Ok, ok. Tomorrow 4:30 PM, fine?”, they say. Agreed. We catch up at Barista, and I listen to them go on and on, as I take sips of yummy hot chocolate. We laugh like nuts over crazy things..Boy, what is this world without friends? M and V, I am glad you guys are around..

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And then..

I welcome a new friend into my small world and with it joy and chuckles.

I wonder at the triviality of life, at the loss of a dear soul. I experience the gloom that surrounds it all.

And.. I see my usually silent walks in the nights, being accompanied by a distant voice now..

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Did you know, Vadumangai is back at Madras??

I was overjoyed to see amma empty “pathu padi” (a measure) of Vadumangai into a tub of water. I couldn’t resist my temptation and grabbed one of them for a quick bite. (yum!) With every passing day, I would eye that jar, which saw the Vadumangais transforming into tastier versions..

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So, what the hell am I doing now?

Today, I stand at the brink of yet another transition – ending a phase and moving on to the next. Yesterday and the day before, people at college walked into the lab, hugged me and said adieu. I was filling others’ address books and getting mine filled too. Ten months is not too long to miss a place (and also because, I am not the sorts who would miss something that easily) but it sure is long enough, to leave behind a vacuum, for all the hectic activity that made up the days.

My locker at college needs to be cleared up – a few film rolls, snaps clicked during photo journalism class, negatives, pens that no longer write, chocolate wrappers, chips packets etc etc. I need to hand over the locker key, get the “no dues” signed and I am almost (almost) saying good bye to this place that changed the course of my life in a short time..

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And after all that, I remembered something. My blog. I really need to dust it up. I can already see cobwebs settling all over. Tcch.. I am so careless..:)

To be a girl, and to drive means..

I am supposed to be reviewing a book called “Political Economy of Under development” for my Economics assignment. I have read two pages of it, and the rest of my post isn’t about it. I just realise I have chosen the wrong time to start reading an economics book and before I could turn to the third page, I am already thinking of that irritating face that stared at me, as he zoomed past me on his bike yesterday. He was so disgusting!! And I suddenly feel this burning hate for him, that if I could stare back at him now, I would love to burn him down to ashes.

Sounds violent? May be. I don’t know if I echo a feministic attitude if I said that most guys driving on the road, can’t stand girls who drive confidently. (Well, not really trying to blow my own trumpet here, but its one of the things that I really feel confident about in life!). I reiterate, I said most guys, and there are exceptions. Let’s leave the exceptions aside. I drive a scooty pep and I simply love it (somehow gives me that independent feeling, can’t really explain!); So, the natural tendency is to drive at good speed and stay in the middle of the road.

I am not lying when I say that everyday that I drive down Mount road, I have at least one male chauvinist who can’t stand me going ahead. Yesterday, I met one such guy whose face I hate to recollect now. He kept honking from behind, so irritably and unnecessarily and me, I was in all moods for a fight that I refused to budge to useless fellows. I just drove ahead and this chap raced ahead of me, missing me by an inch. Had he swerved little bit, he would have gleefully dislodged me off my bike. And he just went ahead, turned and almost sneered at me, as though I was an insect who he could have squashed with his foot, if he wanted to.

“He-llll-oooo, Excuse me!”, I shouted back, appalled. Sadly, the vehicles on the road, and my big black helmet, shielded my voice and he was gone. And all the way back home, I wondered why vehicles needed horns; I mean they simply didn’t serve any useful purpose. They are terrorising tools used by men and when women use them, it simply didn’t make any sense. Times when I hear auto wallas or car drivers or two wheeler drivers go on honking, I would just feel like stopping my bike, getting down, walking up to the guy honking and just pulling off his vehicle’s god damned horn! Honestly, I haven’t seen people making judicious use of it.

Not just that. When you stand in a signal, by ill luck, in the front row of vehicles (missing the last round of signal unfortunately), you are gone for a toss. Even before the signal turns green, the vehicles behind you get so impatient and their horns blare with all the irritation. I have to forget respecting the signal, even if I wanted to, and just go ahead, else am doomed.

Main trouble makers. Auto rick drivers. They are unquestionable, masters of the roads. They would go on the left and suddenly move across the road to make a right turn, and if you happily assumed that they were just going left, you would head straight into hitting the back of the auto, missing it narrowly and screeching to a halt. Immediately he would put out his head, and point his hand at you, as if you did the biggest mistake by driving on a straight line.

Well, tough life! Not to mention those snakish looking new kind of buses, plying Chennai roads. Two buses linked by a vestibule(guess it's one), controlled by one driver sitting on the extreme right, he would never realise what devilish turn his bus takes when he starts from a bus stop. And these buses are really dangerous, because one can never predict the line in which they would move.

Yes, of course, there is the always existing size hierarchy and ego problem on Chennai roads. For a bus driver, a matador cannot cross his path, and for a matador, a sumo or sierra better give way. For a sumo, a maruti is trivial and you can’t obviously trail behind a maruti, if you drive a sumo, how could you? For a maruti owner, two wheelers better mind their own business and not come the maruti way. And for two wheelers, the cyclists are a real pain. Well, actually the cyclists are a pain to vehicles of all sorts because they just don’t feel they should obey traffic rules.

And how could I forget the fierce ego combat of two sexes? The male and the female. Females just can’t afford to be good. I admit that certain women who drive cars are lousy. Extremely lousy, that I hate them myself. But, most of them drive worse, because they feel intimidated by racing vehicles around. What is needed is some understanding, beyond regulating the traffic. Of course, traffic regulation is badly needed in Chennai. (something like Singaporean laws..I don’t really know how they are, elsewhere!).

I would also wish that some men didn’t generalise the entire women community to be bad drivers. There are good ones too. I always respect a good male driver on the road. Why can’t they?

Well, if I took a combination of size of the vehicle and the sex, the worst hit by that formula are the two wheeler female riders, assuming there aren’t women cyclists on Mount road ;). And, I fall in that category and that is why this post. Ah, a logical derivation to a social problem, ain’t I getting back to economics? I am conceptualising a problem..:)

Giving a little space

Rewind
9th Feb. To my post on "Beautiful Minds" where I mentioned about a programme by special children at the Music academy
Forward
22nd Feb. Correction: Programme held at Naradha Gana Sabha and not Music Academy.

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It was about 6:30 PM by the time I raced into Narada Gana Sabha. Swabodhini’s banner greeted everyone at the entrance. Swabodhini, a charitable trust that runs a school for special children in Chennai celebrated its 16th annual day function today. I had listed it down as an agenda for the day, quite some days back. But I wasn’t really sure whether I would be able to manage it. But I am glad I managed to make it; it was a wonderful experience – two hours that saw many of my emotions being brought to the forefront, I laughed, I appreciated and I cried, all from the bottom of my heart.

I had never been to a function like this before. There were so many kids, all with different problems, of varying intensities. Their age would have roughly varied between 3 to 20 years. And all of them were there, with a unified purpose, to put in front of a fairly large and interested gathering, their best efforts to showcase what they were capable of.

The beauty of participating in the programme, lay in being able to discard the imperfection and non uniformity in the performance and enjoy the innocence and hard work of those really special children. Their casualness and absence of inhibition isn’t easy for any of us. They just didn’t mind, as dazzling flashes from couple of cameras lit up in front of them. They were themselves – a rare human quality.

There were dances, a beautifully re-enacted comical sequence of Kattabomman – Jackson durai, a skating performance, and the super hit fashion show. Some smartly dressed, some sweetly made up, they all walked up the ramp, posed and walked back, ignoring all their struggle to walk perfectly. I was stunned to hear a boy, (if I recollect the name right, Vishwanath) dressed in formals, state with perfect detail, what happened on a given day, as his teacher read out a date to him. A superb update of current affairs.

Behind all this, is the effort of the teachers in the school. Their patience and their noble heart deserves so much praise. That is an understatement! I only wish I could express it better. The teachers were there, all through the show, standing behind the children, telling them what to do. And no one minded - the mix up. The applause went to the children and to the teachers as well. They truly deserved it!

A powerpoint presentation on a day at Swabodhini totally shot in slow motion caught the children in their natural state of learning. With “Kurai Ondrum Illai” playing in the background and M.S’s voice singing, I couldn’t hold myself from shedding a tear or two. I was right there, sitting in the very first row, catching and video recording the precious moments on my digicam. As I sat there, one of the kids, came running from back stage, sat next to me, gave me a wide smile and ran back. I wondered why she did that, but I felt so innately happy at the recognition. It felt nice.

While some of the kids jumped and waved from the stage at the audience, there were kids who would just cry and struggle to walk, to talk, to do what they had to do. For all those moments, I really wished I could do something for them, I mean, whatever I could.

While, I came out I saw a contacts register lying at the reception, I just made an entry,
“Anupama Viswanathan
Asian College of Journalism
-Deeply Moved, Would really love to be of any help”, scribbled my contact number and walked back to the parking lot, hoping I could make a difference in some way. This blog is one such effort, to request empathy for such children and at some possible occasion, if you can really help them grow, I would deeply request that you did something.
I feel, we can, can’t we?

Rick trips - taken for a ride?

One can probably get into a controversy when saying, “An item of luxury is always evil,” of course when giving a generalised opinion of that sort. But not when it comes to auto rickshaws of Chennai and their unbeatable auto drivers. I am sure I have at least a couple of heads, nodding in approval when I say that “rick” trips, most of the times, gives you the shakes.

Some of us call it the “yellow bus” and the “yellow bus” is omnipresent – anytime, anywhere. The most interesting aspect of an auto drive is the fare. Tell them the place, God knows what kind of a computational mechanism resides inside their head, that they spell out such bizarre “unfair” rates. Let’s say, you want to get in near Pothys at Panagal Park and get down at North Usman road. Ask the auto wala and he says, “Madam, 20 rupees,” when both he and you know that it is not even worth ten rupees of distance! Ask him, “ennanga?”(What sir?) and he says, “No madam, very high traffic. Lot of petrol will go if we move slow” – technical reasoning for a monetary point being made, I suppose? Some of them are smart enough to give time as a reason. “Sir, night time, I won’t get a return trip” or morning times, “peak hour sir. Traffic will be high.” Or it might be, “Petrol prices WILL go up!!”. You could probably release a book titled, “1000 reasons why auto fares are high!!”

Sometimes, the place from where you emerge to take an auto also matters. They see you come out of “Ispahani Centre” in Nungambakkam, (a posh shopping mall, for the benefit of those who don’t know), the price on you is definitely more, than what you would be asked for, if you had taken an auto a few yards down the road. And guess the weapon of terror, in the city? It is the auto driver offering to turn their meters on. The moment they say that, you can see panic stricken faces saying, “Vendam Pa!” (no!!). The heated up meters show devilish numbers that run faster than the fastest athlete in the world. They are a passenger’s nightmare! Once they see signs of you not having a complete grasp of the geographic layout of the city, you are done! You are surely taken for a ride!

One fine day, near the Marina, I see a foreigner in conversation with a “rick” fellow. She wants to go to Adyar and our sir triples the fare. I never realised they understood the dollar equation! How smartly unfair!

You get into an auto and you hold your life in your hand (more on his, rather!) and he traces all possible geometric figures through the road, with his driving skills. A twist, a turn, a bump and a jump and you are lucky to land back on your seat only to hear his fierce “madras lingo” outpour on an “ill traffic sensed” cyclist nearby. (Want an example? Here is a very common one, “Yeh, Savukrakki, vootla sollitu vandhuttaya?Otraan paaru!!”). By the end of it, all you are spared of is, a series of “sss” hisses, for the money that you pay and finally landing in the destination, thanks to your lucky stars!

Despite everything, autos are now an integral part of the daily routine of many. We have drivers who are so eco-conscious that the back of their autos read, “Please don’t pollute the air!” (Well, what are you doing, by the way ?) and there are drivers, who now have the tech edge apart from everything else. Ah! You wanna pick, just give them a ring on their mobile!