Monday, February 14, 2005

Between you and me..

Warning: Pure Valentine Special. People who get freaked out by reading romantic stuff and think, man, this girl is mad, please refrain from reading this post!

Quote. A dream sequence. Unquote. Full stop.

I am strange, ain’t I? I would just hesitate and meditate a million times to tell you six simple words. The point is I haven’t managed it this time around too. I would have thanked God a thousand times that you walked into my life and offered me all that you had to. But..

I am funny, ain’t I? I would sit in a corner, reading a book and suddenly wonder what you would be doing right then and drift..and jolt back into reality, and tell myself, “Idiot, stop dreaming!”

I am crazy, ain’t I? Every time that I wake up and pray, I would say a small prayer for you too and wish all went well for you and that you had a day that gave you all that you wanted.

I am stupid, ain’t I? I would shut myself up in a room, stand away from the mirror, close my eyes and mutter weakly through my lips your name and say, what I wanted to say. Quickly then, I would open my eyes, look around with a sense of guilt, pray that the walls didn’t really have ears and dash out of the room.

I am silly, ain’t I? Sometimes, I would wonder, whether what I thought and nurtured was actually right or whether I committed a big crime. Beads of sweat would line up over my brow and I would shiver and tell myself, “Rubbish, hell with your day dreams!” I would cry into my pillow in the night, cursing my mind for all that it had to think unnecessarily.

I am confused, ain’t I? I would wake up next morning and feel weird about what happened over the night and go back to my old state of mind again. Well, the most spectacular thing about falling in love, is the inability to identify when it all happened. It just flows, the liking, to take shape into a desire, of being with you all the time, no matter what.

I am human, ain’t I? I would hate you like a kid when I saw you acting as if you didn’t care much about what I thought. I would die to know what ran in your head, whatever the heck you thought about me. I would, despite all conscious efforts to control, dream of a life with you and feel happy and secure with the sheer thought of it.
I walked back, after that fight with you, thinking all that I said. My pace got slower and slower and I forced myself to a stop. I retraced my steps, walking faster, my heart literally racing and thumping that I almost felt it would stop in a minute. I wished fervently you hadn’t disappeared in that five minutes before which I had bid you good bye. I turned round the corner, saw you there, rooted to the spot where I left you.

“So?”, you asked with that teasing smile on your face and I just stared at the ground and mumbled, “ahem..well”. I looked up to see you right there in front of me, moved in closer, my whole body literally shaking out of fear and suspense. I wouldn’t dare to look into your eyes, for I feared the worst – a total emotional surrender. And then you took my face into your palms, looked into my eyes and just muttered, “My crazy little darling!” And me that silly kid, just hugged you tight and said, “You mean bum!”

What next? Well, that was just a fairy tale story for yet another Valentine’s day! Nothing more, nothing less..and for those who actually wondered what those six simple words are, they are, “I am in love with you..!”And that brings us to the end of a Valentine weekend series..marriages, romantic movies and a pure romantic fiction!!


Amrita said...

Anu, I must say your valentine story as well as your article on the ricks in chennai is highly interesting and imaginative. The humour quotient in the rick story is absolutely perfect. its highly practical actually. In fact it becomes difficult to distinguish between the romantic 'you' and the practical 'you' in the two successive stories. However i could identify with the 'rick' article more as you sounded more like u usually do. But the valentine story revealed a new layer to your character. Although I know u are a romantic person yet, i was not aware that you could create a "dream sequence" of the kind you created in the valentine story. And byways, i must admit your sister's observations were accurate about the valentine piece. One is bound to think the person who is thinking is u.Keep writing such stories. Amrita

Sethuraman Atisivan said...

Thanks for the warning. :)

Sandhya Ramachandran said...

I've never read anything more beautiful and true!


Thank you for writing this!